So this wasn’t how I imagined beginning my blog but here we go.
I want to share some thoughts with the people who are surviving losing someone to suicide.
Reason together as the Lord says to come let us reason with Him. (ISAIAH 1:18). As we as survivors wrestle through thoughts and feelings and memories and heartache, and we remember the last things we said, or the things we didn’t say.
And the heaviness of regret and self-doubt begin to smother…
I’m here to stand in truth with you and refute thoughts that are not trustworthy; ideas that are not rooted in truth. A person who commits suicide is never rational. Is never well. Is never thinking from their whole self when they make that decision. And its hard to read scripture and think about how powerful God is and how we ask Him to protect us and rescue us and spare us from evil and lead us not into temptation. It’s so hard to make sense of how these things can happen.
And really the deeper theological question is: Why does God think it’s a good idea to let us make decisions? Why doesn’t he take that away in emergency situations when we’re about to do something so destructive? But He never ever takes away our freedom to make choices. And in our grief, we wish He would. We’re mad at Him that He doesn’t. and it is so difficult to think that its good that God never contradicts Himself. But He is the same yesterday today and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and in His heart, He sees more than we see. He sees meaning for these tragedies beyond what we experience in this moment. I am not saying that suicide is in God’s will. I do not believe that and I do not see that in Scripture ever anywhere that He would will that; want that to be part of someone’s plan.
I want to remind us of evil. And put the blame where it belongs.
So, as we wrestle through memories and what ifs and I wish I had and that nagging pain that bleeds through asking would it have helped? Could I have changed his mind? Could I have saved him; could I have spared him? If I had only…?
And I am here to tell you strongly No.
No.
It’s too rational.
Selfishness is too rational. And I hope that we could throw away that language and that thinking that suicide is somehow selfish. That would be a rational idea. A rational explanation that someone selfishly took their life. Only if they were completely in their well mind would it be selfish. Suicide never is well. It’s never rational
So, whatever you wish you had done, I can tell you it would not have saved him; that’s a rational solution to an irrational problem.
Should we try to intervene when we can- absolutely yes. Remember that verse that when we lovingly confront each other we might snatch someone out of the fire. (Jude 20-25). it’s like that. We should try when we can and pray for the people that answer those hotlines. Pray for them and for our police men and firemen and soldiers and ambulance drivers and our life flight helicopter pilots, and all the heroes that ran into the twin towers to save some. Their hearts are willing and their flesh is Not weak. They go.
They go and they go some of them daily they go; hourly they go. Pray for their strengthening; pray for their peace of mind; pray that they know the power of Jesus Christ the only Savior so they don’t take those traumas home with them as regrets. We are called to sharpen each other, strengthen each other; to call each other out not only in sin but when we see contradictions to the truth; contradictions to our faith; absolutely. And we all don’t do it enough.
Its not that its not helpful it just isn’t a guarantee.
Anymore than some people go through chemotherapy and survive and some don’t. it’s not for us to understand. We waste our energy reeling against the injustice of it and so what. We’re still at the end of it called to intervene when we can and accept the brokenness that we all live with. and do what we can do to not keep adding to the brokenness
Now regrets are regrets and we all have things that are compromises; are contradictions to our character; to our values. And we need to mourn those regrets and confess. Confess. Confess to the Lord and to each other the things we regret. Because Christ said it’s by His wounds we are healed; and that when we confess and admit and acknowledge our failings He takes them… into His own wounds. And the power of His holy sinless blood cleanses our consciences from guilt. Look it up in Hebrews.
So stay connected. Do not isolate. Don’t shut people out. And unfortunately as suicide prevention is talked about, and 9/11 is talked about, it’s tempting to slide into fantasy of imagining the destruction of other people’s stories. And I’m … there’s gotta be a battle word for ordering you… I’m admonishing you to stand guard in your mind.
Let His love and peace that surpasses understanding guard your hearts and your minds because that path is evil. And dark. And it will bear no good fruit in your life. So as you hear stories or reports and testimonies of someone who took their life, run into Jesus and into His love and have compassion for that person, that family and their loved ones, -with Him. But stand guard because the enemy is sitting outside the door. Crouching outside the door seeing who he can destroy next (Gen 4:7, 1Peter 5:8). So stay in the body. Stay connected. Stay in fellowship. Confess your sins to each other and receive His love and forgiveness and let it fill your hearts to overflowing.
And let your wounds go into His wounds.
in honor of Adam and Rebekah Tarbert
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